I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
