The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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