anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
