I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
