i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
