I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
