Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
