It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize