He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize