i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
