You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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