First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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