I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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