Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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