dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I understand Curling. That high.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Randomize
