i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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