Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
