see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
