I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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