i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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