I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
