I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
