He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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