Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My vagina just clenched in fear
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
