1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
