we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
