1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
