We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
