Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We got so high we made milksteak
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
