Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
