Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
