I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
