Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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