i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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