Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
