Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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