dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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