if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
