Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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