Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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