so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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