after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
