Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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