She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize