you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
