i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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