when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
