do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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