**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
