My nipple is on Facebook.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
whose parrot is this?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
