totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
