I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Duck Duck Cougar?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
