Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
