You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
