you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
