just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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