did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
