My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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