Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
