o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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